life

Life is very strange and my thoughts are stranger. I go through series of thoughts and in the end I go into my own fantasy and be happy with it or go in to some assumptions which makes me sad at times. At this point of my life I really have no idea where I am heading, in the sense of this mundane thing.....On one hand I am so confused with G's response.....I am extremely sad when I think of him....I do have deep respect for him as a human being....I really cannot understand why on earth he touched me. I cant imagine myself succumbing to it. I am really ashamed if he had planned all of it and touched me, and if not did I do something wrong that he wanted to stop all of it suddenly. I am totally confused. The only thing clear is that I know I love him and will have the same kind of feelings for him throughout my life. I am deeply saddened by whatever happened between us. I presume that he doesn't want to be disturbed and wants a quiet life......but why does he wants to keep the friendship between us. I really dont know what is going on in his head. He says he has feelings for me but doesnt want to be involved with me. I am tired of thinking and maybe drown myself into pool of tears. My friend thinks that I am the happiest person around. they really dont know what is going on in my head. In my head, rubble is boiling and I cant talk it out.....I dont understand why he wants to keep everything so secretive??? God, plz save me from this suffering....